just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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