is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
