you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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