we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
