You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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