Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We need to rekindle our bromance
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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