Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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