Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize