Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
