I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
