I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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