Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Life is so much better after having sex.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
