I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
