I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
