I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
