I heard we made out
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
