I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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