Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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