If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
