my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
