My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
