True but thats because hes a fetus.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
