Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
