ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
