i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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