Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
