So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
