At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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