And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
3pm strippers are depressing
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
