can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He's on the porch naked. Help.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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