i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
