I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
