i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
