so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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