A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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