I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
