u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
