We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
