i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
