Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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