Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
