Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
