my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
