A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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