Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
