I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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