The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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