girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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