That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
