is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
