This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
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When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
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My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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