Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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