apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
