I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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