I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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