A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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