bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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