come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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