I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
