He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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