Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
