Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
