I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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