I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
